Dear Saint Francis de Sales,
I’ve been struck with a bout of writer’s block, struggling to get pen to page or finger to keyboard. Do you know what a keyboard is? You passed well before the computer age. Anyway, it’s not just writer’s block. I feel like I’ve been dropped in a windowless, doorless cement room. There’s a blank piece of paper on a table in the center of the dull room, but no pen or pencil. So I make paper airplanes. You get the point.
So I have a few questions for you that I hope you’ll answer and help get me started again. Here they are:
- Saint Francis de Sales, where the hell have you been?
- Saint Francis de Sales, should I pray directly to God? Will I get a better result?
- Saint Francis de Sales, will this only work if I address you by full name at the beginning of each question, or can I dive right in? How about I call you Frany?
- Frany, how many times a day do I have to pray to you so that I overcome this? The walls are caving in.
- Frany, who prayed to you more, Hemingway or Faulkner? I bet Hemingway talked to you more overall, but he probably cursed you a lot. Faulkner probably spoke to you for hours at a time.
That’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll await your response.
P.S. Don’t take too long.